Sometimes I think I hate my boyfriend.

Ladies, is it even the slightest bit irrational for me to be pissed off that my boyfriend does not answer a call, immediately texts me that he has been offered a free ticket to the ballgame (of a team he does not like) and wants to go (instead of hang out with me as discussed earlier), then immediately fails to answer another call? Obviously, if he just texted me, HIS PHONE IS IN HIS HANDS. It is not broken or lost or left at home. And there have been no calls back, not even a text back (despite 2 more attempts on my part) for about 6 hours now.

That is ridiculous behavior and it is rude. So of course now I cannot sleep.

Is there a dealership someplace where I can just go and trade up? When I ordered my Scion a few years ago, it was so nice to be able to pick out exactly which options I wanted – not to have to pick Package A or B or C and get lots of things I didn’t want to pay for (alloy wheels) in order to get the things I did want (keyless entry). It was glorious to know that I was able to get the amped-up stereo without paying $120 for logo-branded floor mats as well. When I got the Jeep, of course it came with package choices instead. I have a Wrangler X, which has various things standard, and because I wanted fog lights I had to get a whole tow package that I really don’t anticipate ever using, and although it looks kind of badass, I wish I didn’t have to pay for it.

Sometimes I feel like there are certain traits in the men I date that always go together. No matter what car you want, you’re always going to get power windows if you want power locks. If I could order “Package E” with the spontaneity option but without the lack of courtesy that said spontaneity often brings, how happy I might be. If I could order him with his go-for-the-gold attitude but without the sore-loserness that accompanies it, that would save a lot of trouble. But it’s like not wanting to pay for alloy wheels when you order any car but a Scion. It’s always a package deal. When people say that when you really love someone, you love them for their faults as well as their virtues, what does that really mean? If you don’t love all the things that come on “Package E,” for example, does that mean you don’t really love the car? I wouldn’t hate having alloy wheels and an engine block heater and 17 extra cupholders, but I’d sure resent having to pay for them every month when I only wanted keyless entry.

I know I’ll never be able to order anything – a car, a man, a cheeseburger – with exactly what I want and absolutely nothing that I don’t. But right now it’s really jumping out at me that I don’t need freaking alloy wheels, and I am about ready to throw these logo-branded floor mats under a truck.