I am 5’3” and I weigh 120 pounds. Yay me. And I am just as entitled to worry about my health and appearance as you are. The problem I have with you is that you don’t seem to believe that I am just as entitled to TALK about it as you are.
Today I was on the elevator with two of you, my coworkers, heading to lunch. You were talking about how you wanted the ribs or the fried chicken but should probably just have the mandarin salad with lite dressing and a glass of water, and what would I be having?
I informed you that I like the cheeseburgers at this restaurant, and was considering ordering one.
You both narrowed your eyes at me. Whatever, you said, at your age you can eat anything you want, cheeseburgers, all of that, you don’t know what it’s like to have to watch your weight.
Yes, I pointed out. Yes I do.
One of you looked me up and down and said yeah right, it wouldn’t hurt me to put on a few pounds.
I pointed out that I am a perfectly healthy weight right now (I owe that to my Depo shots, without which I would still be a gangly 105 pounds soaking wet) and I intend to stay that way. So yes, I am watching my weight. Exercise, I say, that’s where I really need to step up. I may be skinny but I have terrible muscle tone.
Again, you sniffed and rolled your eyes.
What is your problem, people? Is it so wrong of me to say that I want to take care of my body and I realize that I could have healthier habits? Just because my problems are not the same as your problems gives you no right to be rude about it. And I tell you this: you are rude. Rude, I say.
You’ll see, you say, gray-haired and ageist. You’ll see, when you get older and you’re not 100 pounds anymore, it won’t be easy.
Ladies, it’s not easy for me NOW. I have to fight to keep weight on while I’m trying to keep my hypertensive diastolic under control. That in itself is a quandary, because steamed veggies are great for my blood pressure and don’t help me maintain my weight. I don’t like that my muscles aren’t what they used to be, so I exercise and you sniff that I don’t need to get any skinnier. You’re right, I don’t. Until I started my Depo-Provera shot and gained 15 pounds, I was pale, anemic and basically had no immune system. And back then you said I was anorexic and bulimic. You said it was my fault. You were never happy with my body and you never will be until I start wearing clothes in double-digit sizes.
Guess what? I have a little pudge on my tummy and I don’t like it. I should probably do some crunches. I have cellulite on my butt and my thighs and I don’t like that either. Maybe I need to get out the weights and do a few squats. There are things I can do to be healthier, and do you really want to discourage me from doing them? Does it make you feel better about yourself to be rude to the skinny girl, to belittle her problems because they happen to be the opposite of your own?
Sometimes the grass sucks on this side of the fence too.
I eat cheeseburgers because I like them and I need to keep my weight up, I exercise because I need better muscle tone and it helps lower my high blood pressure (My cholesterol, by the way, is quite fine). And you tell me to enjoy it while I can, because I am surely doomed to one day be as fat as you perceive yourself to be.
Leave the labels out of it: fat and skinny and obese and scrawny and plus-size and anorexic and all the others. Good health is the best goal for all of us, whether that means gaining weight, losing weight, maintaining weight, working out, watching what we eat, or building our self-esteem in what we are. I don’t want to be skinny and sick any more than you want to be overweight and fighting your own set of health issues. So we have a common goal and we both struggle. Don’t tell me we’re so different.
Healthy is beautiful.
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I cross-posted this one on BlogHer and got a nice e-mail from one of the Community Managers. That made me happy.
13 Comments so far
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If I were near you right now I would definitely be giving you a slow steady hand clap.
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By crazygina on 07.25.08 4:35 pm | Permalink
Great post! Funny thing is, I’m 5′2″ and weigh 115. I do love the occassional cheeseburger, but fresh fruit and veggies are great too. And I love working out! What’s so wrong with wanting to be healthy?
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By Ashley on 07.25.08 4:54 pm | Permalink
THANK YOU for this post. I’ve also always hated that it’s completely acceptable for people to gawk and mutter, “You’re so skinny,” whereas I’d get a punch thrown at me if I ever mused, “Yowza, you’re super fat.”
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By L.Michelle on 07.25.08 6:19 pm | Permalink
Thank you and MAJOR WORD.
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By Jeanne on 07.25.08 6:20 pm | Permalink
Well I agree that being healthy is beautiful and almost everyone needs to watch there weight or not watch there weight so much as trying to be as healthy as possible. I just find it annoying when girls weigh so little and complain they are fat. I’ve been heavy and am trying to lose weight right now and when I see that I’m about 30 pounds more then a skinny chick and she is complaining it makes me sad. Sad that someone can have that body and yes work on it of course but still think of themselves as being inferior. I’m trying to accept myself the way I am so it makes me annoyed that someone that is much thinner then me can’t just be happy that they do have that body and yes it takes work but work on it and be healthy don’t complain. So my point is I do agree with you women should not complain no matter what there size but I can see where they are coming from because when you are heavy it’s hard to see skinny girls complain and you tend to wonder what they have to complain about when they weigh 120 wear a size 2 and all the guys in the room are staring at them.
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By crazyangel2008 on 07.25.08 8:09 pm | Permalink
crazyangel – I actually woke up last night after I posted this and realized I hadn’t in any way touched on the issue you bring up: the skinny bitches who complain and make people hate them.
Sometimes we skinnies just straight up need new pants and we will say “Man, these have gotten tight, I can barely get them buttoned!” and that will be true. So we should go buy new pants. What we should not do is scream in the dressing room that we must surely be complete and utter cows because we need size 4 instead of size 2. That crosses the line into Skinny-Bitchdom.
Those girls are not healthy and beautiful. Those girls should be smacked.
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By Rebekah on 07.26.08 7:19 am | Permalink
Amen girl. While I sometimes fall into the “heavy mentality” at times, I know in the end, I’m healthy, work out and watch what I eat, but if I want cookie, cheeseburger or ice cream, you better believe I’ll have it!
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By Jessica on 07.26.08 8:38 am | Permalink
Amen, thin sister! I’m 5′4″ and 125…I am grateful for my body and metabolism and all that, but just like you, I have that pesky stomach ponch that I’d love to flatten out. There’s nothing wrong with loving your body, but wanting to work on the flaws and be healthy. I hate when people ask me what size I am or say that I’m the size of their pinky or whatever. I don’t even know what to say to that! Sometimes, I’m just as ashamed to admit my pants size as someone who is overweight because of the looks I get.
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By Supergirl on 07.26.08 6:25 pm | Permalink
right on, lady! way to write it.
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By robin on 07.27.08 11:10 pm | Permalink
I hear you. It’s not all on the women side of he aisle. I’m tall (6′1″) and have a wiry frame. I 125 pounds-ish when I got married. Yes, “technically” underweight according to the medical charts, but I was in peak shape and had a healthy apetite. No anorexia or anything; I’m just a thin person naturally.
My fitness went in the toilet over the years. I swung into full-blown fat guy territory. Now that I’ve improved my level of fitness, (but not there all the way), I’m starting to get similar comments again. I guess I can take it as a compliment, but gads, I’ve been a fat slob for so long I’ve forgotten all of the comments about how I was too skinny to be healthy in their eyes.
I’m not Mr. America, just an average Joe. I’ll choose fit and trim regardless of whether that translates into “thin and wiry”. That’s not my fault. The fact that my wife says, “Oooh Baby!” again is gravy.
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By Joe Average on 07.28.08 3:57 am | Permalink
Hi there, great post!
I’m average sized for a woman – 5′7″ and I weigh about 135-140 pounds (size 6 ish?) sometimes I complain when I’m having a bad day or my pants feel tight or I just feel frumpy but most of the time I’m perfectly happy with the way I look. I hate when people complain about their size whether they are too big OR too small if they’re doing nothing to change it.
If I gain a bit of weight and feel kind of unhealthy I try to change my eating patterns and work out a bit more to get back to my healthy, normal weight.
Mostly I think it isn’t about weight it’s about how you feel. There are times when I weigh less and still feel tired or unhealthy and times when I have some extra weight and feel great. It’s not about weight it’s about health, I completely agree!
I also hate when older women say “oh, just you wait”, I’ve been taking care of myself and as long as I continue to do so, I’ll be just fine. Thank you very much.
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By Alice on 07.29.08 11:36 am | Permalink
Sometimes I want to just live in a cave, far away from magazines and judgments. Or poke my eyes out be blind to the way we look, all of us. Of course, then I’d have a hard time appreciating the beauty of my three inch platform strappy sandals I got for $19.99 at Banana Republic. That’s why I haven’t followed through yet with the first two ideas.
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By Paige Jennifer on 07.29.08 2:23 pm | Permalink
Tell me about it…Its nothing like your relatives telling you “wow, you’ve gained a few pounds since the last time I’ve seen you..” to make you want to rush to the gym and buy diet pills. diet pills…check…gym…lets schedule a few workout sessions:P I’LL BRING THE ICECREAM
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By angryoungn on 08.03.08 11:47 pm | Permalink
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