Thank you all for bearing with me as I’ve been trying to get this blog back in order after the move.  Please please please take my little poll in the sidebar and let me know if there are any problems with comments and/or readers. I’ve heard such rumors and I’ll take them up with my site host once you guys let me know if they’re blips or consistent issues.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to handle this job of mine. I have zero, ZERO motivation now for the sixth month in a row. Today I went downtown to pay $100 in traffic court for BARELY running a red light (damn you, traffic cameras!) and actually enjoyed handing over that check more than I enjoyed staring at my inbox today. Something must be done. I have events scheduled pretty much around the clock until Thanksgiving and have been promised an event-free December (read: full of 2009 planning meetings), so the job hunt will commence in full on December 1st.

Here’s a tidbit: I used to want to be a baker. I worked in a bakery in high school and on vacations in college and although I never got to bake anything more than cookies, I loved it. I knew 63 different kinds of bread. I still bake my own bread at home from time to time, no bread machine here! I’m writing this while wearing my new pink cupcake pajamas (Target, $9.08) and thinking about the time Kayak and I talked about opening a cupcake shop in Paris called “Qu’ils mangent de la cupcake” which, loosely translated from French, means “Let them eat cupcake.” He lived there for a year and said no one in Paris makes cupcakes, so it would be a niche market. If Paris doesn’t have cupcakes, they need me.

In all seriousness, I do need a career change. I decided months ago that project management is not the career path I want to pursue, despite the fact that I am reasonably good at it and it would pay the bills tidily if I lived within my means and stopped buying Chip & Pepper jeans and J. Crew cashmere sweaters. Part of me wishes I’d never bought my house, so I’d have more flexibility in the budget and could live in an apartment and be able to accept less money to get started in a career path that I actually enjoy.

What if, what if, what if. The “what if” gets a bad rap as a phrase we use when looking at the past, what if I had or hadn’t done this or that. But maybe it’s really about the future, what if I DO this or that?

Everything I’ve read about changing careers suggests that I first make a list of things I like and do not like about the job I am in and the jobs I have done, and from there I can draw conclusions about what kind of job I should look for and ought not automatically assume it includes baked goods. So here we go.

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In my current job, I like:

Having my own space. Creating things (even if they are just PowerPoints and Visio charts). Working with a core group of good people. Brainstorming. Finding creative ways to fix things. The rare, rare moments when something I have done is more than just good on paper – it’s good for patients. Designing things like t-shirts and company gifts (this is only about once or twice a year though). Building the monthly department newsletter. My boss. My office mate. The gift shop candy counter. A relatively stable schedule.

In my current job, I dislike/despise:

Standing up in front of a group and leading process improvement events (biggest measure of my success at job). Working with ad-hoc teams of people who are not dedicated to my projects. Being given projects that I feel are worthless/pointless and trying to convince myself and my team that the projects are important and high on the priority list. Trying to get other people to do their event followup and quit bugging me to hold their hands. Poor flow or lack of information. Egos. Competition. Overall lack of cameraderie.

From my old jobs, I miss:

Meeting and working with customers and patients. Seeing people smile. Feeling like part of a team that accomplishes something of worth. Being creative with design and making things fun.

From my old jobs, I hated:

Working on commission. Selling anything.

I wish I could:

Work with the same people every day. Trust my coworkers. Create something tangible. Be able and encouraged to improve on the things I create. Have a routine. Produce something in which I can SEE value. Go home and feel like I’ve done a good day’s work.

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I want so much to look for something else but I want it to be the right something. I won’t leave a job that pays well and doesn’t entirely suck just to go into another field where I don’t want to stay.

So what should I be when I grow up?