I haven’t posted for a week and trust me, it’s not because nothing has been happening. There is much to say. I have two Tim stories saved up, one blog prize to extend thanks for and then pass on, snazzy news about a party, and a recap of a horrifying pedicure to share. You will hear these things eventually.

For now, just know that I’ve been working my ass off getting ready to put my house on the market. The photographer comes tomorrow morning, so today was my last chance to make everything perfect. Call it a screwed-up analogy, but this makes me think of wedding hair. We all know a bride who has had wedding hair. She normally wears it chin- or shoulder-length, but grows it out for her wedding so she can wear it in some fairytail ringlets or lovely toucled updo. Then the day after the honeymoon, she’s back to her bob and reviewing proofs of her with hair she’s never had before and never will again.

My house has never looked so good. And while I’m glad that things are beautiful and clean and updated, it weirds me out because – this is not my house. The realtor sent a professional stager to help arrange things and in order to make my living room more spacious, I was told to take the TV downstairs. So I took it. And the bonus room looked stupid with a TV and nothing else. So I set up my card table. Relocated a stereo. Now I have a game room. It looks pretty nice, but when the hell have I ever wanted a game room?

One of the other bonus rooms now sports a fake bed comprised of an air mattress, an old set of sheets and a duvet, and a stack of boxes I’m saving for moving time. Don’t sit on it. It’s just to make one of the basement rooms LOOK like a bedroom, even though the fire marshal won’t let us call it that since the window does not meet some size requirements. But let’s pretend!

Add this, change this, paint and plaster and replace. It all seems so fake. No one lives like this. No one in this price range, anyway. These crazies even want me to organize my closets and take the TV out of my bedroom. (Organization is one thing, but I draw the line at that last one.)

Today I was landscaping. My yard, like the rest of my house, has always been fine. Not a showpiece, but fine. I don’t especially care for yardwork and usually let the leftover bulbs grow in the flowerbeds where they will. But Curb Appeal is calling, so today I dug up a shizload of daffodil bulbs and planted, watered, and mulched for hours.

I confess: I am proud. It seems like I did something real today, something I actually like and will maintain even if the house doesn’t sell for awhile. This is one of the few things I’ve been doing in the let’s-get-ready-to-list process that I actually wish I’d done before. I smell like mulch and REI Jungle Juice bug spray and my lower back is screaming for a heating pad, but that’s okay. I think that today was worth it.

I can’t take very good pictures in the dark with my ancient 4 megapixel camera, but let me tell you this: right now, the air is spiked with cintronella and barbecue smoke, and the lantern lights on the trellis are twinkling nicely near the new solar landscape lights I put in with the Wine & Roses bush and the Star Jasmine vine. There are lightning bugs near the marigolds.

So now all I have to do is kick back, crack open a beer, and double-check my mental list of things I need to take when I leave for my float trip tomorrow morning after the photographer comes and goes. I am officially on vacation.

Well, shoot.

My sister’s bridal shower is the last weekend in June. Same as the 20SB Meetup in Chicago.

*mumbles expletives*

I’m probably fired as a sister if I skip the shower. And my mom might amputate my head if I miss it, even if my sister said I could skip out.

But I want my trip. I am selfish and awful and I want to see my friends and make new ones and go shopping and drinking with them.

Doooooom.

Update, 3 hours after original post:

My sister is so cool. I didn’t even ask her about it but made the mistake of posting on Facebook** that I was bummed to miss the meetup. She read that and texted me, said I can absolutely go and she doesn’t mind if I miss the shower. But… I can’t miss it. She’s my sister, my (taller) baby sister. And even if she doesn’t mind that I want to go on a trip, I WANT to be there. I’m really feeling pretty dumb because I knew when the shower was – except in my head, I “knew” it was the weekend before the meetup. So I kind of set myself up for it. Boo on me.

But it’s the right thing to do, and I’m okay with that. I’ll make sure there are swag bags at the shower.

___________________________________________

**Accidental Facebooking? Yeah, and I know I’m not the only one.

I just registered for the 20-Something Bloggers meetup!

(I thought I’d point that out for those of you who can’t see the ginormous picture in the sidebar. And can’t read the post title. You know who you are.)

I very nearly went to BlogHer last year but waited too long to sign up. Registration was closed when I finally clicked over there, and I was pretty disappointed in my lazy self. Everyone came back with such squee-filled posts about days and days of blogger fun. I felt like I’d really missed out.

I’ve met a few of the lovely Chicago bloggers and am pretty stoked to see them again, but this will be my first biggish meetup. Not only do I always love a trip to the great state of Chicago,** but anytime someone gives me a t-shirt with a logo on it, I get pretty worked up. And the thought of the swag bag makes me a little warm around the edges.

Confession: This meetup actually looks a lot more fun than BlogHer. Who wants to go to lectures and speeches when you can go on a cupcake crawl and a Gold Coast night out? 40 bloggers have already signed up, and there’s plenty of room for more!

For info on the 20-Something Bloggers 2009 Meetup, go to the official blog at http://20sbmeetup.wordpress.com/ and read more. The links are there to register for the event, see the proposed schedule, get hotel deals, roommates, and so on.

_____________________________________________

** Yes, I said that on purpose. Google Dan Quayle.

I know you need to kill a little more time on the interwebs, but sometimes you can only take so much LOLspeak. Are you up for a change from your daily kitteh, goggie, and fail routine?

It’s lovely! I’ll take it! brings you the best of the worst real-estate listings EVER. Some of these photos are just stupid, some are strange, and some are just truly awful – sinks piled high with dirty dishes, porn posters on the walls, toilets that obviously haven’t been flushed since the last #2… and yes, they’re all from real postings (with links!).

You Suck at Craigslist is basically an open letter to the people who… well, suck at making Craigslist postings. Do you really expect to sell a chair in “great condition” when you post a picture of your dog chewing on it? Do you expect people to come to a yard sale when you don’t post the address and advertise “french prevential” furniture for sale? Do you REALLY think anyone will want to pick up 450 live chickens by tonight? DO YOU? Then you suck at Craigslist. And someone may be submitting your ad here.

Happy time-wasting, friends!

I have a massive pile of summer clothes to take to the resale shop tomorrow. We had some lovely warm weather last week, but it rained on my parade when I realized that I only have 2 pairs of capri pants that fit now. 2 out of 10. Also in the bags set to go are three sundresses, three dress-up dresses, about a dozen skirts, half a dozen pairs of shorts, and a small army of tank tops.

Sigh.

But maybe I’ll use the proceeds to buy this…

…and then I’ll be happy again. I do need something nice for summer weddings and my sister’s rehearsal dinner, don’t I? And teal is BACK. (So are bad excuses.)

Of course, this will have to come after I shell out $70 for a decent inflatable raft and some oars. E and I are going on a float trip in a few weeks and unbelievably, it costs less to buy a raft than to rent one (or a canoe) for two nights and three days. So we need…

…that. And…

…these.

Oh dear. New swimsuit?