So I’ve been a little obsessed with these cupcakes ever since I saw them on Cakewrecks Sunday Sweets.

I’ve wanted to learn how to use fondant for a long time, and these looked like they might be an easy way to start. You don’t have to drape a whole big cake with one giant sheet of it, to begin with, and it looks like the shapes are fairly simple cutouts. But I procrastinate. I look at pictures and make plans and don’t do anything. I couldn’t afford the most recent cupcake class at Kitchen Conservatory. Damn my expensive teeth. Class with Stephanie of The Cupcake Project would have been so much better than a (still-aching) mouth full of Novocaine and goo. So I just moped for awhile.

Then E and I decided that in the interest of saving money, we weren’t going to do Valentine’s gifts this year. Maybe just dinner.

THEN they took the Pac-Man game out of one of our local bar haunts and replaced it with Big Buck Hunter, of all things. He was devastated.

So I hit the interwebs. “What’s Cooking, America?” has a recipe for marshmallow fondant, touted as a good learning tool for beginners. And tasty, too! Who doesn’t like marshmallows?

I do not like marshmallows.

Sticky, icky MESS. I was slathered up to the elbows in Crisco before I could get the stuff into a workable ball. Crisco, by the way, will make you drop everything you touch. I know this sounds obvious, but when you are covered in lard and you try to pick up a marble rolling pin, it WILL fall. On your foot. And when you try to pick up your Bud Light to wash away the pain in your foot, it WILL spill. On two of your cooling cupcakes.

But it got kind of fun – coloring the mix, adding chocolate to half of it, etc. I used a cookie cutter to make the chocolate slices to sit on top of the (strawberry cake, whipped-cream-filled) cupcakes, and that went over pretty easily. Black food coloring just sounded awful, so I mixed in some cocoa powder and chocolate bricks when I was heating the mixture. Worked like a dream and gave the mix a great dark color. Cutting all of those pieces, however, proved to be a problem.

Marshmallows, even in this recipe, do not cut very well, especially when you want to cut them into small shapes. I don’t know if I did something wrong or if it is just the nature of the marshmallow, but it is inclined to poof. I could not, no matter how hard I tried, get the crisp, clean edges of a traditional fondant. I ended up taking chunks of the mix and rolling out the shapes by hand, molding them and adding details with toothpicks as probes. It took me an hour, but here’s the result:

It’s not a great picture and the flash makes it hard to see the awesomeness of the colors I used on the little ghosts. Those ghosts, by the way, ROCKED. They had little chocolate dabs for the eyeballs. And of course, this selection features both Mr. and Ms. Pac-Man, sharing their love in the middle with a marshmallow heart.

E was ECSTATIC. He took the pan around to show his friends and his family and they were wowed with my domestic goddess skills. Since it was comprised mainly of straight sugar and lard, the fondant wasn’t especially tasty – although it outruns traditional fondant by a mile. So I included a jar of dark chocolate frosting with the cupcake delivery. The fondant peels right off and we put frosting on the cupcakes as we ate them. It was maximum Frosting Freshness!

I think I’ll try traditional fondant soon… this marshmallow recipe was a good starter, I think. And anything that makes his nuts family think I might be acceptable wife material is a perk.

E’s buddy Archie is the executive chef at a Very Nice Restaurant in Chicago. One of the managers of the Very Nice Restaurant is going to be opening a new branch of Very Nice Restaurant in one of the Very Nice Casinos in Las Vegas, and he has asked Archie to help open it and be the executive chef there. Archie and his wife say they are about 90% sure they’re going to take the offer – the money is better and the cost of living is lower in Vegas, and they figure that they could at least try it for a year or two and build up some savings, then come back to Chicago if they don’t like it out west.

Good deal for Archie, yes?

Archie told E that he’ll need a right-hand man to do this thing, and that’s a right-hand man who would get paid half again over what E makes now. That is some niiice money. E is tempted – and he wants me to go with him.

Sometimes it seems like things are kind of drying up for us in St. Louis. My job is okay, his job is okay. We’re stable enough, really. But our best friends are all splintering off and doing different things, moving away, moving on. E’s best friend here is moving to South Carolina in the summer and taking his girlfriend – one of my good friends – with him. It feels like things are happening somewhere and we’re missing out. Friends move and circles change, and maybe we shouldn’t be standing still. As E and I approach thirty, we’ve been looking forward and back and what we’ve done, haven’t done, and want to do. We talk about getting married and probably having a kid sometime in the future, but that’s not in the immediate plan. We want to have an adventure, and maybe an opportunity like this coming at this point in our lives is what we need. Maybe we need to blow this town for a couple of years.

There are a lot of what-ifs and whatnots. Archie might not take the job after all, and the whole scenario would be moot. The guy starting the restaurant could get worried about the state of the economy and bail out on his plans. If we go, I’d have to sell my house. E would have to support us both out there till I could get a job. We’d have to give our parents “The Talk” in which we inform them that not only are we moving, we’re moving in together. That’s a baddie on both counts for both of our families, so we’re not even bringing it up until we decide. Or we might just straight up freak out and decided not to go because we are big chickens. We wouldn’t be alone – Archie and his wife would be there with us, obviously – but it’s still scary as shiz and so exciting at the same time. No income tax, no humidity, houses that look like overgrown Taco Bells, nearby mountains, good golf, cheap airfare deals every weekend. And no family, no safety net, no toasted ravioli, no Provel cheese (well, HE wouldn’t miss that), and a significant increase in the moisturizer budget.

It’s huge. It’s crazy. I soooo want to do it. Today, anyway.

The timeline is such that we wouldn’t move till late summer or early fall – I think the Very Nice Restaurant is slated to open in October – so that means won’t have to decide until July or so. Neither of us have even been to Las Vegas before, so I think that once Archie tells us his decision, we’ll make a little reconnaissance trip if he says he and his wife are going.

Then it’s up to us.

So where is MY bailout? I promise, Mr. President, I’m trying to do better on my own. You know, I’m probably trying a lot harder than the people at Citigroup who hold my mortgage in their greedy little fists. I have been making personal sacrifices and smarter choices, not trying to buy a jet. See?

SO FAR:

Traded leased Jeep for purchased Vibe and reduced car payment by $50, insurance by $5 and gas by $25 per month.

Removed on-demand and digital programming from cable package, saves $10 per month.

Closed all credit cards except one… left it open to maintain credit history, but deactivated the card so I won’t be tempted to spend.

Started reading the weekly mailer and clipping coupons.

Bought box of breakfast sandwiches (with coupon!) to replace daily McDonald’s stop en route to work.

Closed off living room vents and blocked door to that room to save on heat. Turned house heat down and now use space heater at night. Or make boyfriend sleep over. He’s warm.

Taking clothes to thrift store and using that money to buy other clothes there or on eBay, not new in the shops.

FINALLY asking boyfriend to contribute to gas money when I drive him everywhere.

Planning to put whole $1200 tax refund STRAIGHT toward credit card bill. No treats. Maybe a small treat.

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Hopefully those changes will make a sizable difference. But if they’re not enough, Mr. President, I will try and take a few additional steps. A personal bailout could really help me avoid these things.

CONSIDERING:

Getting rid of cable altogether but keeping internet? Saves $50 per month for 6 months, then the rate jacks up at the end of the promo. I don’t watch a LOT of TV, but I would probably want to as soon as I get rid of it.

Selling plasma for $30 per week… it’s downtime, really, and I could take my laptop and call myself a paid blogger. Could do it every week = $120 per month.

Signing up for focus group for “social drinkers” to make $100 for focusing, I guess… not sure yet what that entails. I left a message.

Getting personal loan to consolidate debt and help me budget better with the money I am saving.

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As much as I try, Mr. President, I don’t think I’m quite so bad off that I have to do anything too terribly drastic…

NOT YET:

Instead of putting it toward the credit card, use tax refund to fix a few things around the house and then sell it? Move to apartment and save a TON, enough to get out of all debt?

Go to Romania and sell kidney.

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But there are some things, Mr. President, that none of us should stand for. You are a man of principle; I know you understand the needs of the American people.

NEVER AGAIN:

Cheap salon color job

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Readers, what are you doing to save money until you get a federal bailout?

My Living Will

Last night my sister and I were talking. I said to her “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug, okay?”

So she got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.

She’s such a bitch.

From an email forward sent to me by my office mate yesterday… how does she know me so well?

In all seriousness, do talk about this important issue with your family. Living wills (also called advance directives) are documents that state your wishes to your family and healthcare providers in the event that you are not able to communicate for yourself. Many of us have heard stories of families torn apart emotionally and even ending up in court to fight over the care of a loved one who is not in a state to choose for him/herself. Someone is always saying “This is what so-and-so would want” or “S/he’d never want to live like this,” but who really knows?

You do. Tell your family. I prepared a living will before I went into the hospital for a minor surgery. Chances were pretty slim that I’d die or end up in a coma from a rare anesthesia reaction, but still… my family needs to know that in the event that I can’t make my own choices clear, I don’t mind having a feeding tube, and IV, or a blood transfusion. I’d like all efforts taken to resuscitate me if I go into cardiac or respiratory arrest. But if I’m in a coma for more than a few weeks and have sustained massive brain damage and will only be communicating through blinks if I do wake up, it’s on a legal document: unplug. That’s no life for me, and it’s no life to inflict on the people I love.

If you have a valid living will, your healthcare providers are obligated to follow it. That means that if you are a healthy 27-year old who goes into cardiac arrest but has a valid living will that says “do not resuscitate,” they HAVE to do what you have indicated – at least in Missouri we do. Think long and hard about the decisions you make when you make a living will. Talk about things with your doctor and make sure you know what everything on that form means. Understand what you’re doing… but do it. At least think about it. Some of us girls have already designated a friend to run to our houses and dispose of all the naughty toys if we die, just so our parents won’t see them. If you have the foresight to do that, why not this?

You can learn more about living wills and their legal implications (both in general and state by state in the US), as well as download a simple living will form here.

That was more serious than most of my posts. I’m exhausted. Wine, please.

Yes, it’s another angry open letter. Yes, it’s about my car issues again. But the world needs righting, and I might actually send this one.

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Dear Chrysler Financial,

Your website touts a lofty mission statement:

We are inspired and empowered to deliver exceptional financial products and services.

Let me be among the many who are probably congratulating you for accomplishing your mission. I am an account holder with a lease held by your company and I’ve found your lease transfer process to be exceptionally BAD. My experience trying to sign over my lease to a friend has been painful at best. You really ought to send me some Excedrin with that next round of paperwork.

So far, the lease transfer has progressed thus:

During my initial call to inquire about transfer process, I was routed to a person for whom English is obviously not a first language. He did not understand what I meant by “lease transfer.” I tried “lease assumption.” That did not work either. I was put on hold and waited for a supervisor who fortunately did speak English but unfortunately tried to talk me out of the transfer. I had to cut her off three times, the last very rudely, to get her to just give me the information I want.

Your terms are reasonable: a credit check for the new lessee for $50, and the final transfer for $250. These are normal market practices. Toyota, Honda and Ford have similar standards. It is your time frame that makes you truly exceptional among your peers. After requesting the credit check paperwork, I was informed that I could expect it to be delivered in 10-14 working days. You would do the U.S. Postal Service a grave disservice by assuming such a long delivery time frame, so you managed to delay the blank, not pre-populated paperwork exactly 6 days before even placing it in their capable hands. Trust me, I checked the postmark.

What you were doing with it for those 6 days is anyone’s guess.

The new lessee filled out the credit check form and mailed it, along with the $50 check, the day after we received it. Today I was informed that the credit check was received on January 19th and is processing. Let me clarify: you received a credit check request over a week ago and are still processing it. When I had my credit check to lease the car in the first place, it took two minutes. Unless you are writing to the credit bureaus by hand and sending the inquiries by tugboat, there is no reason that a credit check should take this long.

This processing throughput time is indeed exceptional. Have you even heard of Lean Methodology? It’s not just for manufacturing anymore – give Toyota a call.

The customer service representative then told me that I could not have the actual transfer paperwork until the credit check was complete. When I asked about a time frame for that, he said it might be another week or so, and that the processing of the transfer would take 30 to 35 days after they receive the second round of paperwork back from me. I’m sure you are all very busy figuring out ways to spend that 1.5 billion dollar loan you just received. I hear that you’re planning to use it to make financing more accessible for more customers,and I imagine that probably makes it difficult for you to deal with the financial needs of your existing customers.

Don’t worry. I completely understand.

Chrysler Financial, why can you complete a lease process in mere minutes when I am at a dealership and then fail to provide any kind of timely service when the exact same process is being done again? By the time the transfer is complete, we will have been working on this for over two months. Two months, when it could have taken two days if you wanted to be normal and not exceptional.

Perhaps it’s not so bad to be status quo after all.

Your vision statement is also on your website, and I am sad to inform you that although you accomplish your mission admirably, you fail miserably in achieving this vision:

To be the first choice provider of financial services for our dealers, customers and partners.

If I had no other vehicle financing options, I would buy a car on a high-interest credit card rather than apply for services through Chrysler Financial again.

Unapologetically,

Rebekah