When I was 22, I broke off my engagement 3 months before I was to have gotten married. He was a wonderful guy, but it just wasn’t right. Took me awhile to figure that out, but it’s better than getting divorced, I say.

So I re-entered the dating world in the summer of 2003, fresh out of a long-term relationship with a very conservative man who didn’t like me to have male friends or short skirts. I was free, free! I wanted male friends and boyfriends and short skirts were the way to get them!

After my first post-engagement boyfriend threatened to commit suicide when I broke up with him, I sought refuge in the arms of The Next Guy, a very handsome Indian doctor with a sophisticated lifestyle and a Very Important Job as a surgeon. We went to trendy restaurants and bars, and I spent way too much money buying trendy clothes in a desperate attempt to blend in. What this fellow saw in me and my Gap-based wardrobe was beyond me. We didn’t have any major sparks, but Next Guy was fun to hang out with and a lot more low-maintenance than Suicidal Rebound Ex. Plus, he taught me how to shop.

Suicidal Rebound Ex was still on my case, though, and I made the mistake of saying something about it to Next Guy. A few days later, he told me he didn’t think we should date anymore.

“It’s just kind of hard to deal with the baggage thing,” he sighed.

“What ‘baggage thing?’” I asked.

“The ex-fiance, the crazy suicidal guy, I don’t know…”

“You’re almost thirty years old,” I pointed out. “Everyone has exes by now. You’ll have to go back to high school girls if that’s too much baggage for you.”

“Still. Yours just seems really complicated. I like things to be simple, and there’s just a lot to deal with here. I just want to have fun.”

I didn’t pursue the conversation further. Next Guy and I still ended up being good friends for awhile and it was just as well that we didn’t date, since it turned out that he did have a thing for high school girls… or at least girls dressed up as high school girls in the “Barely Legal” variety of p-o-r-n.

But what he said stuck. Was my stuff really baggage? Until then I’d just thought of those things as life. Experiences. Things that happen to people, things we deal with, things we leave behind. Maybe he had a point, I considered. Maybe I wasn’t good at letting go. Maybe I’d been scarred for life. Maybe, I thought, my life at 22 had already encompassed enough emotional highs and lows that I had become unappealing to others.

At 27, I named this blog “She’s Got Baggage” because last summer, I thought I’d gathered enough that I could try and make a joke out of it. Ex-boyfriends were baggage. Certain health issues were baggage. Navy, Fireman, Copper and Captain* were baggage. Tim was a freaking steamer trunk. I had to make fun of the fact that I honestly felt like I was doomed.

And now?

Things are actually pretty great. Light. As though everything I thought was awful about my past experiences has actually pushed me in the right direction. Maybe it’s because I’ve learned a few things and let go of a few others.

Even if it has irrevocably changed you for better or worse, is it still baggage if you’ve learned something and moved on?

Sometimes I stare at my blog header and wonder what I was thinking. Because really… DO I?

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* See June – September 2008

I got a prize! In Italian!

Jen at “Confessions of a Secret Keeper” (which, by the way, is an awesome oxymoron) gifted me with the Premio Dardos Award. I’m going to lift her explanation…

Premio Dardos means “prize darts” in Italian, and is given for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing.

Rules:

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person that has granted the award and his or her blog link.

2) Pass the award to other 15 blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment. Remember to contact each of them to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I’m actually not very good at darts. And I don’t speak any Italian that you won’t find on sheet music or on a menu. But hey – thanks Jen! I’m only about a month late in recognizing the award, and I do apologize for that. This post has been sitting in draft mode and I thought I’d published it already. Oopsie.

I’m bad about passing on prizes, I’ll throw that out there right now. 15 is a big number. But I do want to give this especially to Gretchen at Gretch-a-Sketch. She’s a lovely Mormon girl from Utah who has had her personal blog since 2007. However, Gretchen for recently left on her mission, and in doing so was required to unplug herself from all things Internet. But she’s still dedicated to sharing her stories with her many loyal readers, and now does so in the form of letters home that her parents post on her blog. I admire the way Gretchen shares stories about her work with her religion without ever coming across as evangelical or preachy – it’s just a love for what she’s doing with her life.

Rachael at A Sweetheart and a Soldier gifted me with the Neno’s Award for loving blogging!
The goals of this award..

1. As a dedication to those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging

2. To seek the reasons why we all love blogging

3. Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it!

4. Don’t forget to mention the person who gave you the award

5. Answer the awards question by writing the reason you love blogging

I love blogging because secretly, I think my life is interesting and I want other people to agree with me. I’m one of those sociopathic nutjobs who feels validated when people leave comments, whether the post is about pain, paint, or what dress I want to buy. I think I’m a better communicator through writing than through speaking (just TRY and have a conversation with me and see if you think I’m illiterate in 2 minutes or less) and it makes me happy when I can put on a screen the things I can’t verbalize when it’s time to tell a story in person.

And the blogging community. I lurves you crazy kids. I like being a voyeur into your lives and even though you don’t leave me many comments, I know that at least 75 of you per day are watching my life unfold too. In the last few years, bloggers haven’t just accidentally become a community, they’ve proactively  BUILT a community by starting social networking sites, planning meetups, sharing awards, and reaching out to one another on a personal level.  It’s great to be a part of it.

6. Tag and distribute this award to as many people as you like

7. Don’t forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post

Who loves blogging? Doot doot dooo… oh, let me think… this one goes out to my friends who blogged, stopped blogging, and came back due either to loving blogging (I hope) or continued harrassment from their loyal fans (quite possible).

Paige at Life Goes On, I Think

Sean at More Blitherings

There. Up-to-date on awards. )

Okay, I can’t be THAT uncool…

…OR CAN I?

Brand About Town has graciously asked me to hostess a party for their “Girlfriend’s Guide to Gaming” promotion of the new Nintendo DSi handheld. Some other lovely lady bloggers have done these in their hometowns and it looks like they had a blast. I’m really flattered that I was asked to host. And seriously? Nintendo party? Squee!!!

Tiny blip.

“Girlfriend’s Guide to Gaming” is obviously targeting a female audience; therefore, my invitees must be female. And I’m coming to the scary realization that even though I was born and raised in the St. Louis area, I don’t know many girls in this town anymore. Most of my friends are boys.* And complicating this is the fact that one of my two good girl friends has a wedding to be in that weekend and the other is on-call to work the All Star game.

And I’ve realized on perusal of my Facebook friends that the girls I actually consider to be friends (i.e.: I really care what their updates say) don’t live here.

I’m going to try and get the date changed so my good friends can come at least. The other little quandary is the fact that the girl friends I DO have come from different parts of my life and don’t really know one another. I might take the “bring a friend” angle to get the numbers up, meet new people, and encourage mingling. It’s also an awesome chance for me to try and gather some of the previously un-met St. Louis lady bloggers together and get to know them. And what better way to do that than with food, drink, and Guitar Hero?

Tonight I’m going to holler at the girls in the St. Louis group on 20-Something Bloggers to see what they’re up to the weekend of July 11th.**

Still feeling uncool, though.
——————
* Because I heart boys.
** Join my group! Join my group! LOVE ME!

I just registered for the 20-Something Bloggers meetup!

(I thought I’d point that out for those of you who can’t see the ginormous picture in the sidebar. And can’t read the post title. You know who you are.)

I very nearly went to BlogHer last year but waited too long to sign up. Registration was closed when I finally clicked over there, and I was pretty disappointed in my lazy self. Everyone came back with such squee-filled posts about days and days of blogger fun. I felt like I’d really missed out.

I’ve met a few of the lovely Chicago bloggers and am pretty stoked to see them again, but this will be my first biggish meetup. Not only do I always love a trip to the great state of Chicago,** but anytime someone gives me a t-shirt with a logo on it, I get pretty worked up. And the thought of the swag bag makes me a little warm around the edges.

Confession: This meetup actually looks a lot more fun than BlogHer. Who wants to go to lectures and speeches when you can go on a cupcake crawl and a Gold Coast night out? 40 bloggers have already signed up, and there’s plenty of room for more!

For info on the 20-Something Bloggers 2009 Meetup, go to the official blog at http://20sbmeetup.wordpress.com/ and read more. The links are there to register for the event, see the proposed schedule, get hotel deals, roommates, and so on.

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** Yes, I said that on purpose. Google Dan Quayle.

I know you need to kill a little more time on the interwebs, but sometimes you can only take so much LOLspeak. Are you up for a change from your daily kitteh, goggie, and fail routine?

It’s lovely! I’ll take it! brings you the best of the worst real-estate listings EVER. Some of these photos are just stupid, some are strange, and some are just truly awful – sinks piled high with dirty dishes, porn posters on the walls, toilets that obviously haven’t been flushed since the last #2… and yes, they’re all from real postings (with links!).

You Suck at Craigslist is basically an open letter to the people who… well, suck at making Craigslist postings. Do you really expect to sell a chair in “great condition” when you post a picture of your dog chewing on it? Do you expect people to come to a yard sale when you don’t post the address and advertise “french prevential” furniture for sale? Do you REALLY think anyone will want to pick up 450 live chickens by tonight? DO YOU? Then you suck at Craigslist. And someone may be submitting your ad here.

Happy time-wasting, friends!