My Living Will

Last night my sister and I were talking. I said to her “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug, okay?”

So she got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.

She’s such a bitch.

From an email forward sent to me by my office mate yesterday… how does she know me so well?

In all seriousness, do talk about this important issue with your family. Living wills (also called advance directives) are documents that state your wishes to your family and healthcare providers in the event that you are not able to communicate for yourself. Many of us have heard stories of families torn apart emotionally and even ending up in court to fight over the care of a loved one who is not in a state to choose for him/herself. Someone is always saying “This is what so-and-so would want” or “S/he’d never want to live like this,” but who really knows?

You do. Tell your family. I prepared a living will before I went into the hospital for a minor surgery. Chances were pretty slim that I’d die or end up in a coma from a rare anesthesia reaction, but still… my family needs to know that in the event that I can’t make my own choices clear, I don’t mind having a feeding tube, and IV, or a blood transfusion. I’d like all efforts taken to resuscitate me if I go into cardiac or respiratory arrest. But if I’m in a coma for more than a few weeks and have sustained massive brain damage and will only be communicating through blinks if I do wake up, it’s on a legal document: unplug. That’s no life for me, and it’s no life to inflict on the people I love.

If you have a valid living will, your healthcare providers are obligated to follow it. That means that if you are a healthy 27-year old who goes into cardiac arrest but has a valid living will that says “do not resuscitate,” they HAVE to do what you have indicated – at least in Missouri we do. Think long and hard about the decisions you make when you make a living will. Talk about things with your doctor and make sure you know what everything on that form means. Understand what you’re doing… but do it. At least think about it. Some of us girls have already designated a friend to run to our houses and dispose of all the naughty toys if we die, just so our parents won’t see them. If you have the foresight to do that, why not this?

You can learn more about living wills and their legal implications (both in general and state by state in the US), as well as download a simple living will form here.

That was more serious than most of my posts. I’m exhausted. Wine, please.

Here’s a list of my personal favorite Mandigo-powered sites. Congratulations to their respective authors on the great customization work!

Ohhhh yeah buddy, that is the author of my blog template introducing his “Author’s Picks” page.

And I AM ON IT.

Maybe it’s because of all the shameless product-pushing I do for the Mandigo theme and for Wordpress in general, but what the hell. SGB is bright and pretty and sparkly and this is the first time I have had any sort of site design recognition – and coming from the guy who built the template powering this fine blog, that’s pretty badass.

Thanks, Tom!

It’s time for another shameless plug for Wordpress!

to Wordpress without having to mess with your FTP. How awesome is that? From your dashboard, just go to the Plugins drop-down and click “Add New.” You’ll be taken to a search screen where you can click on popular subject tags or enter a search term and look around that way. I must have spent 30 minutes on there the other day, just kicking around the index and finding plugins I’d never even thought of before.

My current favorite is called WPhone. It’s a plugin just for you, the administrator, and it makes your Wordpress software work beautifully on any mobile device browser that doesn’t have full internet like the iPhone does. I used to try to work on posts from my Sidekick, but it was freaking impossible. Nothing fit right on the screen and a bunch of background scripts took way too long to load. This handy plugin gives you access to not only write and edit posts, but to manage everything from your posts and pages to links and plugins. Just search “WPhone” in that plugin search box and you can be up and running in two minutes.

Check out my new Guidespot Guide about the next round of plugins!

Over the holidays, I worked with my friend Jenn on moving her Wordpress.com blog over to self-hosting on Wordpress.org. I did a few graphic-y things for her (and I am VERY proud of that header!) and she’s all over the easy user interface that makes it simple for her to customize. We used the same basic Mandigo theme that I use here, and futzed with it a bit to make it a different setup, different bullet graphics, etc. It’s very pink.

CLICK!

It’s been a one-month hiatus and I think that’s long enough. I mentioned in a post before that I really hate writing in the blog when I’m depressed, because it just becomes a series of depressing posts and who wants to read that? I’ve had no motivation to do anything – work, eat, clean – even taking a shower required supreme effort on some days. You (and the people around me) will be happy to know that I did manage that last one.

But life has been plodding along. I’ve been spending a lot of time with E and friends, and that’s been the only thing that’s really kept me feeling like I might still be alive. I love my blog and blosse but for some reason I’ve needed the face to face company lately, like I need to reassure myself that there’s a real world around me and not just the one in which I imagine that I am popular and pretty and a brilliant writer.

But enough of that. I’m sure you are on the edge of your spinny desk chair, drooling as you anticipate the recap of my month.

Jeep

The big news is that the recession got me in the middle of my depression, and I had to get rid of the Jeep. Gas prices, insurance prices, payments – KILLING me. My medication costs have gone up significantly and I just can’t afford it anymore. Seriously, meds these days? If you’re not depressed already, the cost of anti-depressants will MAKE you depressed. But I got a cute little Pontiac Vibe the other day and I have to confess, it’s so fun and zippy! I feel like a traitor saying that, but dammit, Jeep – you let me down! 15 mpg in the city? Hybridize yourself! Take some initiative! You make my bank account weep!

Boys

In slightly smaller but still not awesome news, I met a friend’s new boyfriend the other day and I have to say, I was a tiny bit underwhelmed after her glowing raves about this fellow. Guys, aren’t you supposed to make an effort to woo the friends with charm on the first meeting? Aren’t you supposed to keep your mouth shut about divisive topics like religion and politics and not try to evangelize your Republican views like Pat Robertson on crack? Now I have no problem with Republicans. Or Democrats or Libertarians or Greens or whatever else. Be what you want and so will I. But really? Save yourself the strain of stepping up on the soapbox because it just makes me want to shoot you while you’re up there making yourself an easy target.

I honestly don’t think that my failure to be swept off my feet by this fellow has anything to do with my friendship with my girlfriend’s ex. I’ve thought about this at length because there is obviously a huge potential for prejudice here. I just fail to see the attraction. I like boys to be charming and handsome and sweet because she deserves all of those things… she’s in her twenties, beautiful and brilliant and could probably have any guy she wanted. Why this one?

Perhaps I’ll grow to like him. You know, if he doesn’t talk around me.

Fun!

My anal-retentive apostrophe habits have made me famous-ish!

Boo.

I got invited to sub on E’s volleyball team on Monday when one of the other girls had to get a cyst removed from her hand. So in the spirit of team solidarity, I managed to break my left thumb during my first game. I was the lucky one though – my friend Jill took a tumble and tore ligaments in her right ankle and is basically immobile for six weeks. Ow ow ow!!!

The irony here is that Jill and I were the only ones playing sober. So here’s the plan: I’ll drink a whole pitcher of beer before the next game, and then my thumb won’t hurt and I will be able to play and not get injured.

That’ll work, right?

Snow!

We got our first stuck-to-the-ground snow of the season last night in St. Louis. It was such a beautiful ending to a crazy month – here’s hoping that December is much more chilled-out. Rimshot!

I just barely finished NaNoWriMo yesterday. My new medication was making me soooo sleeeepy that I’ve been napping every day after work and sleeping all through the night as well. I could not write at home, I had to go somewhere away from my bed and couch and sit up straight and eat something in order to work. To that end, I fell in love with The Gelateria on South Grand. Gelato, hot tea, coffee drinks, pastry, panini… and their lack of WiFi made me super productive since I wasn’t distracted by LOLz.

The meds have kicked in now though, and my body and brain are adjusting nicely. No more panic attacks, no more hiding under the covers because I don’t want to face the world.

I know that there are a lot of people who don’t believe in using drugs for depression, and a lot of people who don’t even believe that depression is a real disease that can require medical treatment.* My depression is a subset of Type II Bipolar Disorder. My doctor compares this to diabetes. It won’t kill me, but it requires a certain lifestyle in order to be healthy. I may be on medication for the rest of my life, she says – both mood stabilizers and antidepressants. And you wouldn’t deny a diabetic her insulin, would you? I don’t care if my meds are artificial or synthesized or if they come from a Bolivian coke farm. Gimme. I’m chemically unbalanced and actually meet the requirements to be considered disabled by the ADA.

Anyway.

When I wasn’t writing that 180-page brain barf of mine, I was spending a lot of time with E and our friends.  He really is racking up the points by taking such good care of me. I don’t know WHAT came over me one night, but I started ordering shots (we did one called “Your Mom”) and got pretty messed up last weekend. E woke up and saw me literally banging my head against the wall because I was in such pain. I was crying and pulling my own hair… it was like every hangover I’d ever had converged on me all at once. Worst. Pain. Ever. I think I’d rather have been in labor.

It really freaked him out, so he got up and walked down to the gas station in the cold to get me some Excedrin. He said that when he walked back in the house I was out of the bed, laying on the hardwood floor and didn’t respond the first time he shook me.  Eek. I don’t remember that part. Nor do I remember the fact that I had the dry heaves for an hour after we got home and that he laid down in the tub so he could stay with me in the bathroom while I slept on the floor for awhile before I could crawl into the bed. He said he was a bit drunk too and was afraid he’d drop me if he tried to carry me back to bed.

I got completely gorked on the Excedrin and my head only stopped hurting when it was pretty much numbed from the inside-out. E made me an ice pack with a Walgreens bag and ice cubes. I love that boy.

Maybe that night wasn’t such a good idea. Okay, it REALLY wasn’t a good idea and I am a moron. Healthy lifestyle, not so much. But some diabetics have a slice of cake now and then. I was doing so well at avoiding hard liquor! I guess this was just reinforcing the fact that I still can’t handle it. Back to beer for me.

And back to blog )

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* And if this is you, I bite my thumb at thee. Now shove off.