They are just THINGS.

Just a dryer full of THINGS that caught fire at the laundromat last night.

It shouldn’t be such a big deal, I keep telling myself.

During the actual fire and the immediate aftermath, I was more mad than anything. What the heck kind of dryer catches wet clothes on fire? MY stuff! Expensive stuff! GAAAH!

So while we’re waiting for the fire department to show up, my four new friends in the laundromat and I realize a few things:

• The fire extinguisher does not work. All this time in my life I’ve wanted to try a fire extinguisher, and I get the one that’s been rotting for over 5 years.
• No one has a solid bottomed container to carry water from the laundry sink. We just have baskets. The utility closets are locked and there are no employees on duty. Not even an emergency number for a manager.

But the fire is not letting up and since the dryer where it started is attached to a whole wall of other dryers, we all figure we have to do something. Several of us dump drinks down the sink and one guy ferries the 20 oz. water bottles back and forth, fizzling the flames bit by bit. One girl empties the last of her detergent and uses the jug to douse some more flames with sudsy water.

By the time the fire department arrives, we think we have most of the flames out, but they give everything a good hosing anyway, just in case. The fire had been burning UNDER the dryer and had either gotten into or come from the electrical system, so it turns out it could have gone out of control at any minute. Goodness, says one nice fireman, didn’t you have a fire extinguisher?

I show him.

He writes down the number of the fire marshal for me, and urges me to file a complaint first thing on Monday. Major OSHA violations, big time fines, you all could have been exploded, big splort, etc.

We haul the burnt stuff out the front door to let it smolder in the snow. It was my duvet cover – my gorgeous, too-expensive duvet cover (which was entirely machine washable and dryable, natch). And my towels, my splurge-money fluffy towels with matching bathmat.

Things. A $350 load of laundry, but just things.

Until I pick away at the burnt heap in the snow, and then it ceases to be just “things.”

My favorite t-shirt. My all-time-awesome, bury-me-in-it, super mostest favorite t-shirt. 50/50, long-sleeved, white. On the front, the logo: 2000-2001 Writing Center Staff, Truman State University. And on the back, in black letters in Times New Roman, just this:

word.

That was my writing shirt.

And then I cried a little.

I have been pretty much obsessing about fires for the last 12 hours now. I cried over a t-shirt. I am pissed about three baskets’ worth of smoky laundry that I have to wash again before I leave on vacation tomorrow. I relived the other fires, the funny and the not-funny-at-all, in my head.

And while I fume and plot how I will recoup my $350, I am really just wondering, over and over, how people pull themselves together when they lose everything they have.

How can that work? How can they do it?

I can’t even begin to fathom. I’m shaken up by THIS? And people have to deal with THAT?

Memories are almost inextricably intertwined with the things we gather over the course of our lives. I wish my brain were spongy enough to absorb everything that’s ever happened to me so I didn’t need this picture of my old cat who died, or this rock from the peak of highest mountain I ever climbed, or this photo of me with my baby niece. I can still be me without those things and I can still remember all of those times, but the THINGS are a nice prompt. You can see them and smile because they can automatically remind you of something good.

Like my shirt. It said I was a writer. It might have been the only thing that made me smile when I put it on. Every. single. time.

This is why I’ll never be Zen. Things, things, things.

Blog, blog, high school, high school… we all seem to agree that there are a lot of things about the blogging community that tend to run parallel with the social hierarchy of high schools. I noted some things about that in an earlier post, but something struck me today about bullying in the blogosphere…

In real high school? Bullying could be a big problem. A serious problem that could lead to violence and even self-inflicted harm on the part of the victim. It was often met with a code of silence around the victims and helplessness from the staff who either couldn’t do something until there was a “real” problem, or brushed it off as kids being kids. Even friends and parents would say “just ignore him/her.” Often, no one would stand up for you. There were even rules in place that worked against a victim who tried to defend him/herself from a physical attack.

So bullies got away with it. They picked on people and made personal verbal attacks, which usually hurt more than any shove up against the lockers and demand for lunch money.

And sometimes there was no lunch money to give them. Sometimes you couldn’t just get up out of your desk and walk away. Sometimes you couldn’t just ignore it, so you suffered in silence and felt very, very alone.

This is where we, as a blogging community, diverge from high school.

We all write our own way and express our own opinions, and as bloggers we hold our freedom of speech and press near and dear. But we have standards in our communities, and those include respect for people and feelings as well as for opinions.

There was some buzz today about one blogger who allegedly (and I only say this because the posts are gone so I couldn’t check) posted a personal attack on another blogger, regarding the quality of her blog and its worthiness of an award she recently received. This was done in a public forum.

Other members of the blogging community came to this young woman’s defense. Whether she needed them or not, people made it clear to her – and to the person who was offending her – that she was not alone. Similar scenarios play out across the blog world every single day and prove over and over again that we stick to our principles and we have got each other’s backs against bullies and trolls.

Of course we return to free speech and our rights to express opinions. But in a public forum, especially a community forum, if you cross the line into personal attacks, do not be surprised when you start to hear from people you’ve never met or even heard of, calling you out for your treatment of another community member.

YOU will feel just how much words can hurt.

If you genuinely meant no harm and just really screwed up your wording on something and it ended up looking offensive, just make your apology and explanation. Everyone gets heated once in awhile and writes something that just comes out wrong. That’s okay. I’ve accidentally offended people through careless wording before. When genuine apologies are made and accepted, and we move on.

But you don’t accidentally tell someone their writing is pointless or that they do not deserve to be recognized for their work. And you especially do not do that on that person’s own blog or the public forum of a community to which that person belongs.

Although these things continue to happen and probably always will, I just wanted to put it out there that this is an area in which the 20-Something Bloggers community can really shine. The only people who should not be welcome (in MY opinion only) are those who make personal attacks on others, and good riddance to them if they are driven off by people who are trying to defend not only a person, but the integrity of a community.

Groups of friends and lunch tables, I see that parallel. And I think it’s a natural one. But in this aspect, it’s not high school. Bullies don’t get away with it here.

We will take care of our own.

—

(Huh. Maybe we’re actually more like a gang? Can we wear green? The 20SB website has a lot of green…)

This one is from Jess at Classy in Philadelphia. Every Wednesday, you’re supposed to post a picture of yourself from somewhere you’ve been in your travels. This is kind of an old one, but in the spirit of remembering a decade, I bring you a picture of me, up high on the London Eye, in March 2004.

Lovely weather in London in March.

I often skip out on resolutions because I usually wind up with a big fat fail (literally) when I try to do things like exercise, lose weight or eat better. But I’m giving resolutions another shot this year, because 2009 was good but sort of aimless. I feel the need to pick up the pace in 2010, so I’ve set a few small goals and few large-ish ones.

I think #5, #6, and #7 will be the hardest, but probably the most important to me overall. The book-writing thing has been the voice in the back of my head for YEARS, and it’s time to do something about it, even if the result sucks. A lot of successful authors didn’t sell their first novels. I just have to be brave enough to fail. After all, who am I to tell bloggers that they must press on to meet their goals if I can’t press on with mine?

And so:

1. Take more pictures and KEEP THEM ORGANIZED.
2. Learn some new software. Specifically Photoshop so I can clean up my skin before I post said pictures.
3. Keep address book up to date.
4. Send Valentines.
5. Finish the novel. Even if it sucks. FINISH IT by the end of March. April. May.
6. Send finished novel to at least 5 agents, just to see if it really does suck.
7. Then start another one by June. July. August.
8. Don’t bother trying to lose weight. Just quit gaining it.
9. Put all money saved from deferred student loan payments directly into savings. Do Not Pass Go. Do not collect $200.
10. Do not pay full retail for books; be patient and buy used on Amazon or eBay.
11. Check 20SB at least every 3 days to remain active in discussions.
12. Do not change blog URL.
13. Write something for Guidespot without using the word “Wordpress.”

Pshhht. I can do this.

2000

• Was happily ensconced in a small-town university, pledging Sigma Alpha Iota.
• Was probably the most “popular” I’ve ever been, albeit in a shallow, “squeee!” sorority girl kind of way.

2001

• Met a boy and fell in love in the spring.
• Had a very difficult living situation upon returning to school in the fall.
• Got myself a little “unpopular” because people were driving me in-freaking-sane and I told them so.
• After changing my major three times in two and a half years, decided to leave school and move back home for awhile. Conveniently closer to the boy.

2002

• February 23: Got engaged!
• Set a date: August 9, 2003
• Wedding plan, plan, plan.
• Got a halfway decent job in retail and had a vague notion of starting back to school in radiation therapy.

2003

• Started at The Hospital as a secretary.
• Have to see a dead person for the first time. As in, the body bag thing.
• April: Best friend got married and I started to get the shakes.
• More in April: Argue, cry, make up, argue, cry, make up.
• May: Just before my first bridal shower and just before the invites go out in the mail, we break up.
• June: We get back together briefly, though decide not to worry about a wedding anytime soon. We break up again a month later.
• I start dating again and am told I have baggage.

2004

• Move into the city with a notion of becoming hip Urban Girl.
• Run up ridiculous credit card debt
• Travel alone for the first time – see England, Scotland and a little nubbin of France
• Start back part-time to finish my bachelor’s degree in English at Wash U.

2005

• The credit card debt catches up with me. That didn’t take long.
• Date a nice boy for awhile, my first real relationship of significant length since the fiance and I split.
• We break up and stay friends.
• I get a promotion at work.
• My blog “My Red Stapler” is born.
  

2006

• I graduate from college with a BS in English.
• I meet Tim.
• I don’t blog too much.
• I get an even better promotion at work and clear all credit card debt.
• I deal with being an Air Force WAG during a deployment.
• I buy a house and fix it up.

2007

• Winter: Tim and I break up in horrific fashion
• In emotional crisis mode, I buy a Jeep.
• Spring: I have a nervous breakdown of sorts.
• I briefly write a blog called “Therapy, Schmerapy.”
• In the fall, I meet and start dating E.
• I resolve to start blogging again on a more regular basis.

2008

• I get another promotion at work.
• I get a foster dog and have to send her back because she made my cat sick.
• Spring: E and I break up in horrific fashion.
• I have my first Blog Crush.
• I rename the blog “She’s Got Baggage.” It seems right at the time.
• I have a wild and crazy summer of dating inappropriate people. (Just read all of July and August 2008 for this.)
• I meet my first blog friends.
• Fall: E and I get back together
• I move to self-hosting my blog.
• I complete my first NaNoWriMo.

2009

• The economy begins to take its toll and I sell my beloved Jeep.
• E and I build a much stronger relationship than we ever had before. We think about the future.
• I have an awesome Girlfriend’s Guide to Gaming party sponsored by Nintendo and Brand About Town, and meet some more lovely bloggers.
• I attend BlogHer for the first time.
• More on the economy – I put my house on the market in early summer and sell it in early fall.
• I decide to ditch the baggage and rename the blog again.
• I password-protect a TON of old posts.
• I complete my 2nd NaNoWriMo with a much better product.
• I apply to and am accepted into a master’s program for Communications Management.

And what do I know for 2010?

• I start school next Wednesday.
• E and I are taking our first real, alone, not-visiting-family, proper vacation together in a week.

That’s all I’ve got so far.